So, on Saturday night after having a few shots and playin up the Wii bowling and some Guitar Hero, my two fabulous neighbors Kacey and Reid and I got into a heated discussion about supporting family members who are kinda fucked up.
My stand on it is a 50/50 split. On one hand I don't wanna turn my back on those I love, yet I don't wanna keep standing by them when they make bad decisions. For instance, my middle bro Luke is a repeat offender. He drinks, gets into fights then ends up going to jail. He just got out a couple of weeks ago after an eight month stint up at Jefferson County. I wrote to him while he was there and visited him once. No doubt do I love him, he's my little bro. I just don't wanna get too close cause' I don't want him to think that I agree with the way he lives his life. He's 24, he should be doing more productive things with his life, ya' know? Plus, most of the time he comes down here trouble comes with him. My husband and I have been in numerous arguments bout him.
This is where Reid stands: maybe it's because he's a man and has his shit together that he expects the same thing out of others. I know that Adam would agree with him. I think he thinks that unless that said person has their act together that they shouldn't be associated with by other family members. How this relates to him is that is brother in-law is kinda like my bro.
Kacey on the other hand wants to fully be there for him (her bro/nephew?). I guess she is just that type of person who loves unconditionally. Which is a great way to be.
Yet being like this I believe can have a negative effect. Let's take my Mom for instance. She is always taking care of Luke, no matter what. How is he gonna learn to be responsible for himself and his actions if Mom is always gonna be there to bail him out? That's right HE WON'T!!! He will be a grown baby his whole life. Fucking cut the umbilical cord already.
So, overall I say that I'd have to be more to side of letting people make their own mistakes and learn from them. Don't keep bailing them out, love them unconditionally and just let them know that when they're ready to grow up, you'll be there waiting for them.
Lets just pray that maybe this time, this time he'll do what's right. Follow through on what he's says he's gonna do and enlist. Hell, if we can't straighten him out, maybe the military can? Anythings possible....
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2 comments:
One thing I think is that you can support someone without enabling them. Like, you can write and visit and love the person, and that is supporting them. But when you cross the line into sheltering them and giving them money, it's enabling.
also, Mom-support is different from friend/sibling support. When Mom goes and "supports," it implies that she relieves him of responsibility. Cause thats what moms are for, ideally.
No, my Mom crosses over the "Mom support" line, total enabler/co-dependent. Then again I'm not a psychologist, so guess I can't say for sure.
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